Could there be more crap in my house?
I've just spent all day (really, about 6 hours) going through the zillions of boxes and junk in our back room, throwing the crap into the back yard and organizing what is left.
There is so much crap that I'm actually going to pay someone to haul it away. There's just no way I could fit it all into contractor bags and sucker the trash men to take it.
I've finally gotten it down to where there's room in our back room to move around, and we still have to go through what is left in the boxes and toss that out, or move it to our storage area (where most of the "heirlooms" are kept).
Just as I finish, the phone rings. It's my mother-in-law who announces that she's sending us a box. MORE CRAP for me to deal with!
What will it be this time? The last box that arrived contained hubby's boy scout uniform and some paperback books. What the hell are we suppose to do with a circa 1970's boy scout uniform? Put it on one of our dogs?
We've told them to just throw this stuff away, but NOOOOOO! They waste their money on postage, or haul it here in suitcases for us. They've even told us "if you're going to throw it out, at least wait until we leave." We typically open their boxes with a garbage bag at the ready, tossing the stuff from the box into the trash bag and hauling it to the curb.
I will, of course, give a detailed listing of the "heirlooms" that come in the box.
Heirloom Box Arrives 10/21/2004
Garbage Bag at the Ready
We got the heirloom box today.
Contents:
We got the heirloom box today.
Contents:
- Cub Scout Hat (to go with the Cub Scout uniform we got two months ago)
- A 1930's Cookbook
- 2 other old books (worthless)
- A computer magazine folding to the page that shows the extremely expensive scanner that B wants (even though he can't keep a computer running for more than 5 minutes)
- Large Muppet card
- A tassle (have no clue)
- A wall hanging, complete with a note about the 'blood sweat and tears' that went into making it. Apparently we're suppose to write the names of our dogs on it, hang it on a wall like a tribute... yeah, right.
Another Heirloom Box Arrives 12/5/2004
What Could It Be Now?
When I came home one afternoon, a large box sat on the porch. It said it contained frozen beef, but I knew better. I would have preferred frozen beef.
The contents are, as usual, puzzling in that "what was she thinking" aspect.
The contents are boxed and ready to go to the storage facility, except for the "used" items, which went in the trash. I still can't believe we pay monthly storage fees for all their junk.
When I came home one afternoon, a large box sat on the porch. It said it contained frozen beef, but I knew better. I would have preferred frozen beef.
The contents are, as usual, puzzling in that "what was she thinking" aspect.
- 3 Dr. Seuss books (ok, one is "How the Grinch Stole Christmas, that's cool)
- 2 random children's books (one is a cookbook for boys and girls... oooh)
- 6 pairs of black socks (3 new, 3 obviously used... euuuuw)
- 1 sweater (hubby hates sweaters, and it's used to boot)
- 1 jacket from hubby's high school (too small for him, too big for me)
- 1 magazine with a bookmark to a page that explains how getting a government clearance means big money and promotion... um, doi? Been there, done that, which goes to show they have no clue what we do.
- 1 binder full of pictures of people we have no idea who they are
- 1 box that contains a ziplock baggie of pictures of people we have no idea who they are.
The contents are boxed and ready to go to the storage facility, except for the "used" items, which went in the trash. I still can't believe we pay monthly storage fees for all their junk.
Heirloom Evidence 12/5/2004
Since some people have asked for evidence of the heirlooms, and haven't been to an "heirloom showing" usually held after christmas when the "best" heirlooms arrive, I've decided to post a picture of some of the contents.
Normally at Christmas, M picks a theme (the picture depicts the "gingerbread man era") and sends gifts that have that theme. Despite the fact that we have a kitchen table and no chairs, never use the kitchen table to eat at, it's more of a clutter container, M always sends us kitchen items, like place settings, and napkins with the year's theme.
The "gingerbread man" era also gave us gingerbread biscotti, which were wrapped in plastic and had mold on them (tasty!).
It was also the year that my sister-in-law confided in us that M always "tries out her gifts" before giving them, which means she probably had a ball walking around in all this stuff, and also explains why some of the items (that still had tags on them) were stained.
Dog cookie christmas tree ornaments with hanging dog head... Made in China and bought for a mere $1.99, and some cheap plastic globe thing with intricate... ok, I don't know what is in there, I didn't bother to look
A Gingerbread table cloth for a round table... which we don't have.Personalized travel mugs, complete with ghastly pictures of us when we were kids... yeah, right.
Normally at Christmas, M picks a theme (the picture depicts the "gingerbread man era") and sends gifts that have that theme. Despite the fact that we have a kitchen table and no chairs, never use the kitchen table to eat at, it's more of a clutter container, M always sends us kitchen items, like place settings, and napkins with the year's theme.
The "gingerbread man" era also gave us gingerbread biscotti, which were wrapped in plastic and had mold on them (tasty!).
It was also the year that my sister-in-law confided in us that M always "tries out her gifts" before giving them, which means she probably had a ball walking around in all this stuff, and also explains why some of the items (that still had tags on them) were stained.
Dog cookie christmas tree ornaments with hanging dog head... Made in China and bought for a mere $1.99, and some cheap plastic globe thing with intricate... ok, I don't know what is in there, I didn't bother to look
A Gingerbread table cloth for a round table... which we don't have.Personalized travel mugs, complete with ghastly pictures of us when we were kids... yeah, right.
Actual Letter from M 1/14/2005
Dear Kids:
We are going through Christmas items that have been in our home for years. Some were here when you were living here; others came to us AFTER your grandparents died.
I am sorting them in 3 stacks:
1. We'll keep for now
2. We'll destroy now
3. Do the kids want these?
It is stack #3 that prompts me to write. It now contains
Ceremaic Christmas trees that I made for your grandparents. The trees (with base) are about 18" tall 12" wide. They use a household light bulb which shines through the tree. Also they have a music box. I am using the Miller's tree to set in the foyer with all our Teddy Bears clustered around it. The B tree is still in the box Glenda shipped to us.
Another box is filled with old fashioned outdoor Christmas lights. Your grandpa Miller put them around their house in Joplin, and we used them on the deck here. Some of them will be ones we purchased.
I know the arguments you are forming and my reply:
We don't have room for them: We don't have room for them
We don't remember what you're talking about: We won't remember in a few more years
We don't decorate at Christmas: We can't decorate like we use to
We're too busy with work: We'll not be here when you aren't too busy
Some day you will have to empty this house whether you like it or not, or have the time.
Therefore please try to determine what you might want later.
All we need is an answer: Yes or No
No comments or explanations expected or required
Neither response will hurt our feelings
What will hurt is a lack of response.
First to write a YES along side an item above and return this letter to us (self addressed envelope enclosed) will be the recipient of that item.
If both of you say NO to all items, our next step will be Aunt Glenda, after Goodwill.
We love you all and hope you had a great christmas and will enjoy a terrific New Year.
G&P: We also have a Christmas Ornament (ladies fan) that Gilberta (one of your namesakes) gave to your Grandmother (her sister). Add that to your list of considerations.
Love M
A.) Old Fashion Outdoor Christmas lights... yeah! Fire hazard to the extreme
B.) She DIDN'T include the self addressed envelope
C.) I've lost count of the times we've told her THROW IT AWAY!!!
We are going through Christmas items that have been in our home for years. Some were here when you were living here; others came to us AFTER your grandparents died.
I am sorting them in 3 stacks:
1. We'll keep for now
2. We'll destroy now
3. Do the kids want these?
It is stack #3 that prompts me to write. It now contains
Ceremaic Christmas trees that I made for your grandparents. The trees (with base) are about 18" tall 12" wide. They use a household light bulb which shines through the tree. Also they have a music box. I am using the Miller's tree to set in the foyer with all our Teddy Bears clustered around it. The B tree is still in the box Glenda shipped to us.
Another box is filled with old fashioned outdoor Christmas lights. Your grandpa Miller put them around their house in Joplin, and we used them on the deck here. Some of them will be ones we purchased.
I know the arguments you are forming and my reply:
We don't have room for them: We don't have room for them
We don't remember what you're talking about: We won't remember in a few more years
We don't decorate at Christmas: We can't decorate like we use to
We're too busy with work: We'll not be here when you aren't too busy
Some day you will have to empty this house whether you like it or not, or have the time.
Therefore please try to determine what you might want later.
All we need is an answer: Yes or No
No comments or explanations expected or required
Neither response will hurt our feelings
What will hurt is a lack of response.
First to write a YES along side an item above and return this letter to us (self addressed envelope enclosed) will be the recipient of that item.
If both of you say NO to all items, our next step will be Aunt Glenda, after Goodwill.
We love you all and hope you had a great christmas and will enjoy a terrific New Year.
G&P: We also have a Christmas Ornament (ladies fan) that Gilberta (one of your namesakes) gave to your Grandmother (her sister). Add that to your list of considerations.
Love M
A.) Old Fashion Outdoor Christmas lights... yeah! Fire hazard to the extreme
B.) She DIDN'T include the self addressed envelope
C.) I've lost count of the times we've told her THROW IT AWAY!!!
Turkey Surprise 2/23/2005
Since we haven't received any good heirloom boxes in a while, I thought I would update everyone on some past stories while we wait for the semi truck of heirlooms to arrive. By the way, hubby never sent back the letter telling M "NO", so who knows what will happen. We're sorta hoping they write us out of the will.
and now...
Turkey Surprise
My brother-in-law, J, and his wife live in the Portland, Oregon area, close enough to the in-laws to be bothered. My sister-in-law, BA's, father passed away a while ago, so they split the holiday visits between the two homes. For Thanksgiving, they would go visit Ba's mom, and for Christmas they would drive to Washington State and visit J's parents. Seems pretty fair.
One year, M pitched a fit how they never spent Thanksgiving with them. She made such a big deal about it, that J finally agreed that he and BA would go to BA's mother's for Thanksgiving, then drive to Washington State and spend Thanksgiving evening with them. He stated that they should arrive at their house around 5pm.
As the story goes, around noon on Thanksgiving, M places her sumptuous turkey dinner on the table and awaits the arrival of J and BA. Hours pass, and she grows more and more distraught and angry, until she finally "has it".
Dutifully (and tired after driving all over the place), J and BA arrive on time at 5pm. Chaos ensues, where M insists they said they would be there for Thanksgiving dinner at noon, Jack insisting he said no such thing, and B trying to be the peacemaker. Finally, tempers cool, and M offers to fix them something to eat so they can at least sit down as a family and be thankful together.
After about an hour, she announces that the food is ready, and they sit down to a very curious cassarole that M "threw together". Bits of turkey, dressing, sweet potatoes... a mish mash of thanksgiving type foods, and other unidentifiable things. According to J, it was a horrid concoction, and he could barely choke it down, but after the whole blow up, didn't want to start M off on another tangent.
After they had finished, B took J aside and admitted what had happened. In her snit at being "stood up", M had taken all of the food and thrown it into the trash. The casserole she had "whipped up" was what she had pulled out of the trash can.
and now...
Turkey Surprise
My brother-in-law, J, and his wife live in the Portland, Oregon area, close enough to the in-laws to be bothered. My sister-in-law, BA's, father passed away a while ago, so they split the holiday visits between the two homes. For Thanksgiving, they would go visit Ba's mom, and for Christmas they would drive to Washington State and visit J's parents. Seems pretty fair.
One year, M pitched a fit how they never spent Thanksgiving with them. She made such a big deal about it, that J finally agreed that he and BA would go to BA's mother's for Thanksgiving, then drive to Washington State and spend Thanksgiving evening with them. He stated that they should arrive at their house around 5pm.
As the story goes, around noon on Thanksgiving, M places her sumptuous turkey dinner on the table and awaits the arrival of J and BA. Hours pass, and she grows more and more distraught and angry, until she finally "has it".
Dutifully (and tired after driving all over the place), J and BA arrive on time at 5pm. Chaos ensues, where M insists they said they would be there for Thanksgiving dinner at noon, Jack insisting he said no such thing, and B trying to be the peacemaker. Finally, tempers cool, and M offers to fix them something to eat so they can at least sit down as a family and be thankful together.
After about an hour, she announces that the food is ready, and they sit down to a very curious cassarole that M "threw together". Bits of turkey, dressing, sweet potatoes... a mish mash of thanksgiving type foods, and other unidentifiable things. According to J, it was a horrid concoction, and he could barely choke it down, but after the whole blow up, didn't want to start M off on another tangent.
After they had finished, B took J aside and admitted what had happened. In her snit at being "stood up", M had taken all of the food and thrown it into the trash. The casserole she had "whipped up" was what she had pulled out of the trash can.
The Trust Fund Incident 3/3/2005
Back in 1988, M's father died, leaving M's mother in Missouri alone. Hubby and I attended the funeral (another story for later, as this was my first meeting with M and B), and then helped get M's mother situated in a retirement home.
It was a nice retirement home. Brand new, didn't even smell like old people yet. My comment of "gee, I'd like to live here" was not very well received for some reason. Very swank, nice rooms, pretty good food (for old people food), a meeting hall, planned events, the whole 9 yards. M made a comment something to the effect of "they better have everything for what we're paying".
Actually, they weren't paying for it, because M's mother had a trust fund established. There was a good amount in the trust fund to keep her mother in the home for a pretty long time.
A few years later, after hubby and I married, we heard that M had moved her mother out of the home, and into their house "for cost saving" measures. M figured that they had a big house, and they were getting ready to retire, why not have M's mom move in, and they would save money since they wouldn't have to pay for the retirement home, they could take care of her.
Part of M's plan was that since they wouldn't have to spend that trust fund money on the retirement home, why not use it to buy a brand new Eddie Bauer Special Edition Ford SUV? After all, she would be using the new SUV to tote her mother around to various and sundry doctor's appointments, so it would be going toward her care, thus justifiable.
Apparently, once the money was drained from the account, and once the executor found out that the money was drained from the account, and once the legal system found out that the money was drained from the account and used to buy a brand new car... they were not amused.
M received a notice saying that all of the money had to be replaced in the account. Instead of selling the SUV, she had B take out a loan on his life insurance policy to pay back the trust fund. So now they were paying interest on a loan against an insurance policy (that was pretty much tapped to begin with since they had taken out a loan against it before to buy a timeshare that nobody uses). This was all fine and dandy with M, because she figured that when mom kicked, she would get the rest of the money out of the trust fund to pay off the insurance loan.
Except... mom held on for quite some time, and soon was too much for them to handle, what with breaking a hip, then needing in-home nursing care, then finally having to put her in a home in Washington State (that was crappy and twice as expensive as the home in Missouri), until finally M's mom died... and after paying for the funeral (shipping her back to Missouri to be buried with M's dad), lawyers fees, debt to the nursing home and other miscellaneous fees... there's was nothing left.
She still has the SUV, they are still paying off the life insurance policy.
It was a nice retirement home. Brand new, didn't even smell like old people yet. My comment of "gee, I'd like to live here" was not very well received for some reason. Very swank, nice rooms, pretty good food (for old people food), a meeting hall, planned events, the whole 9 yards. M made a comment something to the effect of "they better have everything for what we're paying".
Actually, they weren't paying for it, because M's mother had a trust fund established. There was a good amount in the trust fund to keep her mother in the home for a pretty long time.
A few years later, after hubby and I married, we heard that M had moved her mother out of the home, and into their house "for cost saving" measures. M figured that they had a big house, and they were getting ready to retire, why not have M's mom move in, and they would save money since they wouldn't have to pay for the retirement home, they could take care of her.
Part of M's plan was that since they wouldn't have to spend that trust fund money on the retirement home, why not use it to buy a brand new Eddie Bauer Special Edition Ford SUV? After all, she would be using the new SUV to tote her mother around to various and sundry doctor's appointments, so it would be going toward her care, thus justifiable.
Apparently, once the money was drained from the account, and once the executor found out that the money was drained from the account, and once the legal system found out that the money was drained from the account and used to buy a brand new car... they were not amused.
M received a notice saying that all of the money had to be replaced in the account. Instead of selling the SUV, she had B take out a loan on his life insurance policy to pay back the trust fund. So now they were paying interest on a loan against an insurance policy (that was pretty much tapped to begin with since they had taken out a loan against it before to buy a timeshare that nobody uses). This was all fine and dandy with M, because she figured that when mom kicked, she would get the rest of the money out of the trust fund to pay off the insurance loan.
Except... mom held on for quite some time, and soon was too much for them to handle, what with breaking a hip, then needing in-home nursing care, then finally having to put her in a home in Washington State (that was crappy and twice as expensive as the home in Missouri), until finally M's mom died... and after paying for the funeral (shipping her back to Missouri to be buried with M's dad), lawyers fees, debt to the nursing home and other miscellaneous fees... there's was nothing left.
She still has the SUV, they are still paying off the life insurance policy.
So It Begins 9/3/2005
Brother-in-law arrived tonight. As with every visit, something catastrophic happens, and someone always dies.
Past visits: September 11th (yes, that September 11th)
People dying: Princess Diana, my dad, the list goes on.
Here is to running count for this visit:
Catastrophe: Hurricane Katrina (early, but still timely)
Chief Justice Renquist (happened the moment he got off the plane)
Batten down the hatches folks, it's going to be a fun visit, and the in-laws aren't even scheduled to come for another 2 weeks.
Past visits: September 11th (yes, that September 11th)
People dying: Princess Diana, my dad, the list goes on.
Here is to running count for this visit:
Catastrophe: Hurricane Katrina (early, but still timely)
Chief Justice Renquist (happened the moment he got off the plane)
Batten down the hatches folks, it's going to be a fun visit, and the in-laws aren't even scheduled to come for another 2 weeks.
Batten down the hatches 8/7/2005
Ok, it's official. Brother in Law is coming the first week of September, and the in-laws (as far as we know) are still planning on coming the third week of September.
This means taking all of our vacation days, which we don't mind doing for Brother in law, but the whole taking vacation for the "weekend" the in-laws will be here is torture.
With BIL, all we'll do is go out for coffee, lounge, eat, lounge, play Unreal Tournament (and now we actually have enough computers to do that).
Since we'll have multiple members of the family in the same state at once during one month, I'm guessing nothing short of a natural disaster or terrorist attack will occur, since that is a tradition with visits. I'll have to call my mom and warn her to stay away from power tools for those weeks.
This means taking all of our vacation days, which we don't mind doing for Brother in law, but the whole taking vacation for the "weekend" the in-laws will be here is torture.
With BIL, all we'll do is go out for coffee, lounge, eat, lounge, play Unreal Tournament (and now we actually have enough computers to do that).
Since we'll have multiple members of the family in the same state at once during one month, I'm guessing nothing short of a natural disaster or terrorist attack will occur, since that is a tradition with visits. I'll have to call my mom and warn her to stay away from power tools for those weeks.
Prepare for the Visit 6/1/2005
A month or so ago, the in-laws inquired about when the best time would be for them to visit (a certain place freezing over came to mind), so they decided they would visit for a weekend in September 2005.
A WEEKEND
A few weeks ago, we received the following e-mail:
Just got off line with Delta. Have Tickets on HOLD as follows:
Arr BWI 9/22 (Thurs) 4:10 PM -- don't worry about meeting plane; we
can drink coffee till you get off work OR we could rent car
Lv BWI 9/27 (Tues) 4:55 PM -- again, don't worry about
transportation; we can sit in the airport and read OR return rental.
Seats are assigned; all went well (isn't that scary). We are using
our mileage.Changes can be made if necessary.
Let us know whether or not you see a problem at this point. We know
your jobs have emergencies; don't try to predict the future. Just let
us know your feelings at this point. As time get's closer; we'll
discuss if Dad & I should go to Motel Mon 26th & Tues 27th -- so you
could get back to work.
/end of e-mail
Could they BE more pathetic. "Oh, don't worry about us, we can sit in the airport for hours and hours while we wait for you both to get off your jobs (whatever they are, as we're too self centered to ask)".
And since when did a weekend start on Thursday and end on Tuesday? Who gets a weekend like that? A weekend?
Oh, it gets better, as they've had to revise their itinerary, now they're arriving on Thursday and leaving on WEDNESDAY! Something about B's sister not doing well, so they're stopping out to visit her and that's the only way they could do that. Ok, sister not doing well? How about spending that WEEKEND with her?
There are only 4 more months left until they arrive, and I can't even begin to imagine what their itineray will look like by then. Perhaps spending the entire month with us? Yeah, in a hotel. ugh.
A WEEKEND
A few weeks ago, we received the following e-mail:
Just got off line with Delta. Have Tickets on HOLD as follows:
Arr BWI 9/22 (Thurs) 4:10 PM -- don't worry about meeting plane; we
can drink coffee till you get off work OR we could rent car
Lv BWI 9/27 (Tues) 4:55 PM -- again, don't worry about
transportation; we can sit in the airport and read OR return rental.
Seats are assigned; all went well (isn't that scary). We are using
our mileage.Changes can be made if necessary.
Let us know whether or not you see a problem at this point. We know
your jobs have emergencies; don't try to predict the future. Just let
us know your feelings at this point. As time get's closer; we'll
discuss if Dad & I should go to Motel Mon 26th & Tues 27th -- so you
could get back to work.
/end of e-mail
Could they BE more pathetic. "Oh, don't worry about us, we can sit in the airport for hours and hours while we wait for you both to get off your jobs (whatever they are, as we're too self centered to ask)".
And since when did a weekend start on Thursday and end on Tuesday? Who gets a weekend like that? A weekend?
Oh, it gets better, as they've had to revise their itinerary, now they're arriving on Thursday and leaving on WEDNESDAY! Something about B's sister not doing well, so they're stopping out to visit her and that's the only way they could do that. Ok, sister not doing well? How about spending that WEEKEND with her?
There are only 4 more months left until they arrive, and I can't even begin to imagine what their itineray will look like by then. Perhaps spending the entire month with us? Yeah, in a hotel. ugh.
Our Prediction 9/16/2005
Less than a week before the in-laws arrive.
The news of Delta airlines filing for bankruptcy sent us both screaming and clutching our hair. Why? Because of course, the in-laws have booked their flights (with frequent flyer miles) with Delta.
And now, our prediction:
While having no problems getting to our house, Delta will revoke all frequent flyer miles and cancel the flights of those who booked their flights with frequent flyer miles. Therefore, the in-laws will be trapped at our house with no airline tickets.
I hope we're wrong.
The news of Delta airlines filing for bankruptcy sent us both screaming and clutching our hair. Why? Because of course, the in-laws have booked their flights (with frequent flyer miles) with Delta.
And now, our prediction:
While having no problems getting to our house, Delta will revoke all frequent flyer miles and cancel the flights of those who booked their flights with frequent flyer miles. Therefore, the in-laws will be trapped at our house with no airline tickets.
I hope we're wrong.
Cryptic E-mails 9/20/2005
To start the sense of impending doom, we've received 2 e-mails from M this week.
The first was to ask us:
"When you entertain, what do you plan as meals? Beef and seafood, hot dogs and hamburgers, other? What about beverages? I'm a bit tardy in asking this question."
HUH?
ok, we don't "entertain". That sounds like we're the Von Trapp family or the Kennedy clan. We have people over. If its friends, we'll go all out and have some nice steaks and seafood. If its co-workers or something, it'll be hot dogs and hamburgers, depends on if they bring their kids, but it all depends on who is coming over.
We talked it over and have the following scenarios:
1.) She is having a reputable company mail us grilling foods, so we can fix them and eat them while they are here. Regardless of what we would have said, it would be whatever M wants, which is probably liver, asparagus, and walnuts (the three things she claims her sons love, but actually they hate, SHE likes those things). A nice gesture, but it always seems as though she thinks we live in the Andes mountains and don't have grocery stores. How about we all go out and pick out some food that everyone likes and we cook it. OR how about you eat whatever we have, as we've already gone out and stocked up on food, and if you have special needs diets then we'll go out when you get here and buy it.
2.) She is buying meats, freezing them and packing a cooler for the plane ride. Once again, too much effort and pretty silly if you ask me (but also perfectly plausible in her mind), we do have things called supermarkets here.
3.) She is buying meats and bringing them in her purse. The most logical conclusion after the "steak sandwich" incident. Which reminds me, I need to tell you all about THAT fiasco.
The second e-mail was her stating that she checked her tickets today (making us freak out thinking she gave us the wrong dates when they would arrive and leave) and mentioned how she thought they were arriving around 6pm, but it turns out they are arriving around 4pm. She went into great lengths about how we weren't to rush and get off work early. They had not planned on renting a car, but would if necessary, and would simply get their luggage and sit and wait for us at the airport until we could come get them. sigh... weep. She went on to mention the hotel and other arrangements if "we should be too busy with work to spend time with them"... oh lord!
So it begins. And they aren't even here yet.
The first was to ask us:
"When you entertain, what do you plan as meals? Beef and seafood, hot dogs and hamburgers, other? What about beverages? I'm a bit tardy in asking this question."
HUH?
ok, we don't "entertain". That sounds like we're the Von Trapp family or the Kennedy clan. We have people over. If its friends, we'll go all out and have some nice steaks and seafood. If its co-workers or something, it'll be hot dogs and hamburgers, depends on if they bring their kids, but it all depends on who is coming over.
We talked it over and have the following scenarios:
1.) She is having a reputable company mail us grilling foods, so we can fix them and eat them while they are here. Regardless of what we would have said, it would be whatever M wants, which is probably liver, asparagus, and walnuts (the three things she claims her sons love, but actually they hate, SHE likes those things). A nice gesture, but it always seems as though she thinks we live in the Andes mountains and don't have grocery stores. How about we all go out and pick out some food that everyone likes and we cook it. OR how about you eat whatever we have, as we've already gone out and stocked up on food, and if you have special needs diets then we'll go out when you get here and buy it.
2.) She is buying meats, freezing them and packing a cooler for the plane ride. Once again, too much effort and pretty silly if you ask me (but also perfectly plausible in her mind), we do have things called supermarkets here.
3.) She is buying meats and bringing them in her purse. The most logical conclusion after the "steak sandwich" incident. Which reminds me, I need to tell you all about THAT fiasco.
The second e-mail was her stating that she checked her tickets today (making us freak out thinking she gave us the wrong dates when they would arrive and leave) and mentioned how she thought they were arriving around 6pm, but it turns out they are arriving around 4pm. She went into great lengths about how we weren't to rush and get off work early. They had not planned on renting a car, but would if necessary, and would simply get their luggage and sit and wait for us at the airport until we could come get them. sigh... weep. She went on to mention the hotel and other arrangements if "we should be too busy with work to spend time with them"... oh lord!
So it begins. And they aren't even here yet.
Latest e-mail 9/21/2005
Hubby e-mails M to say:
"Since you are arriving before we get off work, just make sure that your cell phone is on, and we'll call you when we're on our way and to find out where you are."
M e-mails back:
"Thank you. Here's a thought, we will turn on our cell phones whenever they allow us to do so. Why don't you call us when you are on your way so we can tell you where to find us".
brain.... bubbling.
"Since you are arriving before we get off work, just make sure that your cell phone is on, and we'll call you when we're on our way and to find out where you are."
M e-mails back:
"Thank you. Here's a thought, we will turn on our cell phones whenever they allow us to do so. Why don't you call us when you are on your way so we can tell you where to find us".
brain.... bubbling.
The Arrival 9/23/2005
As we drove to the airport, we called, nobody answered. When we got to the airport, M answered and hubby asks where they are. Five minutes later, she's still talking and we're at the terminal and she finally divulges that they are at baggage claim 8D.
You can't get there from anywhere in the airport, so we ended up walking 5 miles to get to it. The usual happy welcoming, and then we shlep back to the truck.
We got to hear about their flight, the lack of food, cramped seats, etc. Usual post flight stuff.
Got home, took the dogs out, and told them we'd be grilling hamburgers for dinner. They offered to take us out to eat (didn't ask where), but since the dogs had been locked up all day, we wanted to just grill at home... they seemed "disappointed".
First Heirloom presentation occured approximately 5 minutes within walking through the door. I was feeding the dogs and missed it. M bought an embroidery sewing machine and had made two aprons for us (pictures to follow as soon as I can). We sat on the deck and "chatted".
Around 8:30pm Gil went inside to throw away the dinner plates, and M and B followed him inside without warning and both were attacked by the happy to meet you pups. I heard the chaos from where I had been hiding and went to save them, but in the process, M stepped on Meeshka's foot and proceeded to scream like a banshee. I took Meeshka off to the bathroom to inspect the foot (its fine), then tried to get M and B to pet the dogs so they would get use to them.
If people come in and pet them and pay them attention for 5 minutes, they settle down and are normal, but if they stand there with their hands in the air as if they will at any moment attack them and rip out their throats (as M and B do) then the dogs take that as a sign to leap on them crazy. I tried to explain that, but they don't listen.
We claim exhaustion and all went to bed around 9pm, just so we wouldn't have to deal with them anymore.
You can't get there from anywhere in the airport, so we ended up walking 5 miles to get to it. The usual happy welcoming, and then we shlep back to the truck.
We got to hear about their flight, the lack of food, cramped seats, etc. Usual post flight stuff.
Got home, took the dogs out, and told them we'd be grilling hamburgers for dinner. They offered to take us out to eat (didn't ask where), but since the dogs had been locked up all day, we wanted to just grill at home... they seemed "disappointed".
First Heirloom presentation occured approximately 5 minutes within walking through the door. I was feeding the dogs and missed it. M bought an embroidery sewing machine and had made two aprons for us (pictures to follow as soon as I can). We sat on the deck and "chatted".
Around 8:30pm Gil went inside to throw away the dinner plates, and M and B followed him inside without warning and both were attacked by the happy to meet you pups. I heard the chaos from where I had been hiding and went to save them, but in the process, M stepped on Meeshka's foot and proceeded to scream like a banshee. I took Meeshka off to the bathroom to inspect the foot (its fine), then tried to get M and B to pet the dogs so they would get use to them.
If people come in and pet them and pay them attention for 5 minutes, they settle down and are normal, but if they stand there with their hands in the air as if they will at any moment attack them and rip out their throats (as M and B do) then the dogs take that as a sign to leap on them crazy. I tried to explain that, but they don't listen.
We claim exhaustion and all went to bed around 9pm, just so we wouldn't have to deal with them anymore.
Update day 1 9/23/2005
My plan to occupy my time with steam cleaning was thwarted when the steam cleaner broke (only 2nd time I've used it), so now our plan is to go to Costco to replace it, which will waste some time.
Heirloom presentation #2: embroidered shirts with little huskies on them. Nice... for an elderly person. Hubby also got some other junk (pictures pending).
So, we decide to have sandwiches at lunch. I bring out the 6 tons of luncheon meat varieties that we have, and the 42 different types of cheeses, but M disappears into the guestroom and brings out two little baggies that have sandwiches in them.
They've been in her purse all day yesterday, and throughout the night, at room temperature... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH
They're eating them out on the deck right now!
Gonna hurl.
Heirloom presentation #2: embroidered shirts with little huskies on them. Nice... for an elderly person. Hubby also got some other junk (pictures pending).
So, we decide to have sandwiches at lunch. I bring out the 6 tons of luncheon meat varieties that we have, and the 42 different types of cheeses, but M disappears into the guestroom and brings out two little baggies that have sandwiches in them.
They've been in her purse all day yesterday, and throughout the night, at room temperature... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH
They're eating them out on the deck right now!
Gonna hurl.
Things that drive me insane 9/23/2005
They hide the cups they use, so they can use them later... instead of getting a clean cup. M found B's cup in the sink, and pulled it out and used it.
They put open food containers in the fridge (my BIGGEST peeve).
The way M asks for things: "Would you be so kind as to come into the other room as I would like to show you something" (heirloom presentation time).
Saying every 10 minutes "we'll need some time to get ready if we should go somewhere", when we told them we aren't going anywhere, but they want to go somewhere, but they don't want to tell us that they want to go somewhere.
M asking me how my mother is doing, and in the middle of telling her, she breaks in to tell me a story about her grandfather that lasts for 45 minutes and has nothing to do with our current conversation.
I came into a room as hubby was explaining the glories of e-bay, and how they could take their stuff and sell it and make money to do fun things instead of wasting postage sending it to us. It didn't sink in.
They put open food containers in the fridge (my BIGGEST peeve).
The way M asks for things: "Would you be so kind as to come into the other room as I would like to show you something" (heirloom presentation time).
Saying every 10 minutes "we'll need some time to get ready if we should go somewhere", when we told them we aren't going anywhere, but they want to go somewhere, but they don't want to tell us that they want to go somewhere.
M asking me how my mother is doing, and in the middle of telling her, she breaks in to tell me a story about her grandfather that lasts for 45 minutes and has nothing to do with our current conversation.
I came into a room as hubby was explaining the glories of e-bay, and how they could take their stuff and sell it and make money to do fun things instead of wasting postage sending it to us. It didn't sink in.
Day 1 Part 2 9/23/2005
After coordinating everything, we finally get in the truck to run errands: buy dog food, return steam cleaner, get starbucks. 3 stops.
Starbucks first, where they latch onto every single little starbucks bear there is in the store, and block the door talking about the "special edition" bears and how you can't get them in Washington, and the significance of the "special edition" bears, and how it isn't fair that they can't get certain bears at their stores... I herd them away from the door and toward the counter and order our drinks, while they continue their discourse on the "special edition" bears and the tags they use to have, but now they sew something onto the feet and EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
On the way to Petsmart (a block away) we mention getting steaks to grill tonight... well, its M's birthday in a few days... actually over a month from now, and B wants to treat us all to dinner at a nice eating place, but not too nice since they only brought a few pairs of clothes, and since they don't know when they'll get back to see us again, since it has been FOUR YEARS since their last visit (which they bring up constantly... that wasn't there FOUR YEARS ago, and FOUR YEARS ago, gee that seems like a long time, I remember we went to eat...) FINE, where would you want to eat? Macaroni Grill... FINE! We'll go tonight.
Relatively safe visit at Petsmart, off to Costco we go. As I'm carting the broken steam cleaner toward Costco with M in tow (the guy's are behind us), she literally yells "Hey, isn't that the mexican gentleman we just saw at Starbucks", pointing at him as he walks no more than 5 feet away from us. I hide behind the cart.
As I'm trying to return the broken steam cleaner, which is always a snap at Costco, M brings up that I mentioned making a banana cream pie earlier (I was joking), and starts in on how she watches the food channel, and there's a recipe for banana cream pie that she just loves to make (remember, I'm trying to return something, she's rambling as I'm explaining to the Costco person about the steam cleaner), and how it's made with the Pepperidge Farm milano cookies as the crust, but those cookies are quite expensive, so she uses a different cookie for the crust, which isn't as rich as the milano cookies, but is much cheaper than the milano cookies, and she just doesn't see why those cookies are so expensive... EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
We drop off the perishables at the house and drive to CompUSA to return some software we didn't need. There's a sewing store next door, and M literally shoots over to the sewing store. Fine with me. We return the software, and look into some other stuff, B is looking through scanners to find the perfect one that he wants and won't be able to use (another story), M shows up and we leave the store... except M wants us to go to the sewing store to look at the sewing machine she has. So we walk over there and stare at the sewing machine while she explains about the thread it takes, the programs it takes, the copyrighted patterns and how she needs something to sell for a benefit, but the bags she has to display don't have holes, to which the sales lady says "oh, we use a hole punch for ours", which started a whole conversation there that I blocked out with a keening noise.
Finally, we run from the store and go to Macaroni Grill. Get seated right away. Order pretty quick. Throughout the whole visit, she mentions "her special dinner", B mentions the whole birthday thing, I finally lean over to hubby and say "you better tell the waiter its her birthday or we'll never live it down". At desert time, she says 15 times that she'll share her special birthday dessert with B, and she wants a certain dessert, which he orders for her, and hubby discretely tells the waiter its her birthday. I'm sure she was expecting the usual hoopla of waiters to come over and someone sings happy birthday, so she was quite disappointed (and showed it) when the waiter brought her the dessert with a single candle on it, and admitted that he couldn't sing. She pouted over dessert, and mentioned 14 times that the lemon thing was refreshing.
Home. Dogs have been locked up for a while and need to go out. M puts her leftovers in the fridge, then blocks my way down to the dogs to explain to me EXACTLY where she put the leftovers in the fridge, and if I didn't want the leftovers there, she would certainly move them to where I wanted them (I bit my tongue from saying "hey, why don't you shove them in your purse with the rest of your sandwiches), and nicely explained that I needed to let the dogs out, who were howling pitifully downstairs.
I hid the rest of the night by doing laundry and sloooooowly folding towels.
8:30pm... we yawned and went to bed.
Starbucks first, where they latch onto every single little starbucks bear there is in the store, and block the door talking about the "special edition" bears and how you can't get them in Washington, and the significance of the "special edition" bears, and how it isn't fair that they can't get certain bears at their stores... I herd them away from the door and toward the counter and order our drinks, while they continue their discourse on the "special edition" bears and the tags they use to have, but now they sew something onto the feet and EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
On the way to Petsmart (a block away) we mention getting steaks to grill tonight... well, its M's birthday in a few days... actually over a month from now, and B wants to treat us all to dinner at a nice eating place, but not too nice since they only brought a few pairs of clothes, and since they don't know when they'll get back to see us again, since it has been FOUR YEARS since their last visit (which they bring up constantly... that wasn't there FOUR YEARS ago, and FOUR YEARS ago, gee that seems like a long time, I remember we went to eat...) FINE, where would you want to eat? Macaroni Grill... FINE! We'll go tonight.
Relatively safe visit at Petsmart, off to Costco we go. As I'm carting the broken steam cleaner toward Costco with M in tow (the guy's are behind us), she literally yells "Hey, isn't that the mexican gentleman we just saw at Starbucks", pointing at him as he walks no more than 5 feet away from us. I hide behind the cart.
As I'm trying to return the broken steam cleaner, which is always a snap at Costco, M brings up that I mentioned making a banana cream pie earlier (I was joking), and starts in on how she watches the food channel, and there's a recipe for banana cream pie that she just loves to make (remember, I'm trying to return something, she's rambling as I'm explaining to the Costco person about the steam cleaner), and how it's made with the Pepperidge Farm milano cookies as the crust, but those cookies are quite expensive, so she uses a different cookie for the crust, which isn't as rich as the milano cookies, but is much cheaper than the milano cookies, and she just doesn't see why those cookies are so expensive... EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
We drop off the perishables at the house and drive to CompUSA to return some software we didn't need. There's a sewing store next door, and M literally shoots over to the sewing store. Fine with me. We return the software, and look into some other stuff, B is looking through scanners to find the perfect one that he wants and won't be able to use (another story), M shows up and we leave the store... except M wants us to go to the sewing store to look at the sewing machine she has. So we walk over there and stare at the sewing machine while she explains about the thread it takes, the programs it takes, the copyrighted patterns and how she needs something to sell for a benefit, but the bags she has to display don't have holes, to which the sales lady says "oh, we use a hole punch for ours", which started a whole conversation there that I blocked out with a keening noise.
Finally, we run from the store and go to Macaroni Grill. Get seated right away. Order pretty quick. Throughout the whole visit, she mentions "her special dinner", B mentions the whole birthday thing, I finally lean over to hubby and say "you better tell the waiter its her birthday or we'll never live it down". At desert time, she says 15 times that she'll share her special birthday dessert with B, and she wants a certain dessert, which he orders for her, and hubby discretely tells the waiter its her birthday. I'm sure she was expecting the usual hoopla of waiters to come over and someone sings happy birthday, so she was quite disappointed (and showed it) when the waiter brought her the dessert with a single candle on it, and admitted that he couldn't sing. She pouted over dessert, and mentioned 14 times that the lemon thing was refreshing.
Home. Dogs have been locked up for a while and need to go out. M puts her leftovers in the fridge, then blocks my way down to the dogs to explain to me EXACTLY where she put the leftovers in the fridge, and if I didn't want the leftovers there, she would certainly move them to where I wanted them (I bit my tongue from saying "hey, why don't you shove them in your purse with the rest of your sandwiches), and nicely explained that I needed to let the dogs out, who were howling pitifully downstairs.
I hid the rest of the night by doing laundry and sloooooowly folding towels.
8:30pm... we yawned and went to bed.
Say it isn't so 9/24/2005
This morning I open the fridge, and there sits a small container of orange juice that clearly says "Keep refridgerated" on it.
It wasn't there thursday night, it wasn't there Friday or Friday night, it appeared this morning... saturday morning, which means its been sitting out for almost 3 days.
Oh, the mystery e-mail of "when you entertain, what foods do you serve your guests" is solved. It wasn't a delivery of food. It wasn't food stored in her bag (although apparently they're keeping half a grocery store of refrigeration required foods in their room unrefrigerated).
The solution is: the embroidery on the aprons that she made us both.
It wasn't there thursday night, it wasn't there Friday or Friday night, it appeared this morning... saturday morning, which means its been sitting out for almost 3 days.
Oh, the mystery e-mail of "when you entertain, what foods do you serve your guests" is solved. It wasn't a delivery of food. It wasn't food stored in her bag (although apparently they're keeping half a grocery store of refrigeration required foods in their room unrefrigerated).
The solution is: the embroidery on the aprons that she made us both.
More things that drive me insane 9/24/2005
I'm sitting in the nook hiding, M stands in the doorway and says "do you know if anyone is in the bathroom?" NO!
Despite telling them they can use the upstairs bathroom, they insist on using the downstairs bathroom... and they don't flush the toilet (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH).
There is only a hand towel in the downstairs bathroom, so M asks me, in that high squeeky voice and convoluted way that she needs a towel and wash cloth. Except it comes out something like this:
"I was thinking of freshning up a bit, but there isn't a washcloth and towel in the downstairs bathroom, so I was wondering if you happened to have a washcloth and a towel that I can use here in the downstairs bathroom?"
We're about ready to go to a mall... I'm sure I'll be updating soon.
Despite telling them they can use the upstairs bathroom, they insist on using the downstairs bathroom... and they don't flush the toilet (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH).
There is only a hand towel in the downstairs bathroom, so M asks me, in that high squeeky voice and convoluted way that she needs a towel and wash cloth. Except it comes out something like this:
"I was thinking of freshning up a bit, but there isn't a washcloth and towel in the downstairs bathroom, so I was wondering if you happened to have a washcloth and a towel that I can use here in the downstairs bathroom?"
We're about ready to go to a mall... I'm sure I'll be updating soon.
AAAAAAAAH 9/24/2005
M just came upstairs to let me know that one of our dogs (an older, sickly one) is at the foot of the stairs whining, which he does. When I told her that, she says "ok, so he's not going to die on me or something".
WHAT THE F??? WHO SAYS THAT???? And to say it like it would be a total inconvenience to her if he did, not that we would be devastated at his passing, but her trip would be ruined by that.... EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
WHAT THE F??? WHO SAYS THAT???? And to say it like it would be a total inconvenience to her if he did, not that we would be devastated at his passing, but her trip would be ruined by that.... EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
Day 398 (and counting) 9/24/2005
Ok, it hasn't been that long, but it seems like it.
After the "dog dying" incident, we told them to get ready, we'll be leaving for the mall soon. I had the dog kongs ready, and asked if everyone was ready, and they were, so I crated the dogs, came back upstairs, and found them in the kitchen, with B taking his pills, and M prattling on about who knows what. Um, I thought everyone was ready? Herd them into the truck.
On the way there, M asks where we were going (told her already), we tell her again, we're going to the apple store to buy a server. We explained our Alpaca reference, in that if the server wouldn't work, we were going to sell everything and start raising alpacas. Llamas? M says. "I hear that llamas can be violent". A.) we said alpacas, so I have no idea where llama came from, and b.) I couldn't help myself and said "A llama bit my sister once", then regretted it when she said "oh?"... luckily hubby changed the subject, but then M went on about THE STORY OF THE DASH HOUND.
THE STORY OF THE DASH HOUND
"Your great uncle Gus, who was brothers with Larry, who died before you were born (huh?) once got it into his head that he would make money breeding dash hound puppies. (before you beat your head in like me, she meant Dachshund, but said is Dash Hound, two words). Oh, that Gus had a heck of a time with that dash hound and he never got any puppies from her, and I think she lived longer than he did." Inner keening voice here.
We get to the mall and go to starbucks (of course), and here we get to hear about the special edition bears again. We also get to hear how the starbucks in Washington are much faster than the ones here, they have two lines and you never have to wait for anything, blah, blah, blah.
Get our drinks and off we go to the apple store, which had everything we needed, and a discounted server, wooohoo, so we got it all and then decided to head to a bookstore down the road.
B asks where the Naval Academy was. Um, down the road about a mile, but if you'd like to go, we can take you on a weekday, not a weekend when its crowded. Nooo, that's ok, you don't have to go out of your way for that. (He wants to go, he just won't say it, much like he was asking if the Marc trains went to DC and how long it would take to get there, he's dying to go touristing).
I mentioned that I had jury duty, and M breaks into her jury duty experience that was so offensive, I can't even repeat it, but felt compelled to turn around and beat her in her seat.
We get to the bookstore and find the books we wanted. M was nowhere to be found, so we told B we would wait for them outside and chainsmoke (ok, we left the chainsmoking part off). Hubby and I stood and talked about some of the outrageous things that come out of M's mouth and wait, and wait, and wait, and wait, and finally we go inside, where they are waiting on us. Um... fine... ok.
We get home, and start unloading the truck. M asks if she can help with something, I saw no, that's ok. heavy and expensive server, expensive hard drive, expensive software, and she's juggling a half drunk mocha, I'll have to say no to that. She gets mad and huffs to the guest room when we all get inside. Whatever.
More later (much more).
Fridge total for the day:
1 open half can of pepsi from the day before
New item: carrot sticks with ranch dressing dip (refrigerate type) sat out for about 3 days now.
After the "dog dying" incident, we told them to get ready, we'll be leaving for the mall soon. I had the dog kongs ready, and asked if everyone was ready, and they were, so I crated the dogs, came back upstairs, and found them in the kitchen, with B taking his pills, and M prattling on about who knows what. Um, I thought everyone was ready? Herd them into the truck.
On the way there, M asks where we were going (told her already), we tell her again, we're going to the apple store to buy a server. We explained our Alpaca reference, in that if the server wouldn't work, we were going to sell everything and start raising alpacas. Llamas? M says. "I hear that llamas can be violent". A.) we said alpacas, so I have no idea where llama came from, and b.) I couldn't help myself and said "A llama bit my sister once", then regretted it when she said "oh?"... luckily hubby changed the subject, but then M went on about THE STORY OF THE DASH HOUND.
THE STORY OF THE DASH HOUND
"Your great uncle Gus, who was brothers with Larry, who died before you were born (huh?) once got it into his head that he would make money breeding dash hound puppies. (before you beat your head in like me, she meant Dachshund, but said is Dash Hound, two words). Oh, that Gus had a heck of a time with that dash hound and he never got any puppies from her, and I think she lived longer than he did." Inner keening voice here.
We get to the mall and go to starbucks (of course), and here we get to hear about the special edition bears again. We also get to hear how the starbucks in Washington are much faster than the ones here, they have two lines and you never have to wait for anything, blah, blah, blah.
Get our drinks and off we go to the apple store, which had everything we needed, and a discounted server, wooohoo, so we got it all and then decided to head to a bookstore down the road.
B asks where the Naval Academy was. Um, down the road about a mile, but if you'd like to go, we can take you on a weekday, not a weekend when its crowded. Nooo, that's ok, you don't have to go out of your way for that. (He wants to go, he just won't say it, much like he was asking if the Marc trains went to DC and how long it would take to get there, he's dying to go touristing).
I mentioned that I had jury duty, and M breaks into her jury duty experience that was so offensive, I can't even repeat it, but felt compelled to turn around and beat her in her seat.
We get to the bookstore and find the books we wanted. M was nowhere to be found, so we told B we would wait for them outside and chainsmoke (ok, we left the chainsmoking part off). Hubby and I stood and talked about some of the outrageous things that come out of M's mouth and wait, and wait, and wait, and wait, and finally we go inside, where they are waiting on us. Um... fine... ok.
We get home, and start unloading the truck. M asks if she can help with something, I saw no, that's ok. heavy and expensive server, expensive hard drive, expensive software, and she's juggling a half drunk mocha, I'll have to say no to that. She gets mad and huffs to the guest room when we all get inside. Whatever.
More later (much more).
Fridge total for the day:
1 open half can of pepsi from the day before
New item: carrot sticks with ranch dressing dip (refrigerate type) sat out for about 3 days now.
Part 2 (electric boogaloo) 9/24/2005
Ok, so I forgot to mention the "camera argument". As we were driving to the mall, hubby and B start talking about photography. B mentions that he has a camera from his grandfather that took 8X10 pictures, really old, probably worth some money if it hadn't been sitting in a garage rotting all these years.
M says "oh, is that the camera they used for the carnival?" (B's family is carny folk, little hands, smell like cabbage). B says "no, it's just a camera". M says "Oh, didn't they use to take pictures at the carnival?" B says "yes, but not this camera". M says.... you get the picture, it went on for 10 miles.
So, M comes out of the bedroom from her pout because I wouldn't let her carry anything inside, and sees that hubby is prepping dinner and asks if she can help. "no" he says, he's got it all under control. M runs back to the guest room to pout again. Whatever.
Hubby puts on the apron she made him and starts grilling, except now we know why nobody wears aprons when they grill, because they catch on fire. No, he didn't set the apron on fire, I would have gotten reaction photos of that, but meanwhile M is hiding and he's wearing the stupid apron just to appease her. She finally comes out, sees him wearing the apron and gets her camera all proud. She comes back, and as hubby is trying to move food on the grill so it won't burn in a flare up, asks him to pose. He explains (as flames are shooting up) that he's a bit busy now. She pouts.
We have salmon and steak. Very tasty. They only eat a bit. M says brightly "ooh, tomorrow I can make a steak sandwich". Hubby and I nearly choke to death on our food.
THE STORY OF THE STEAK SANDWICH
Back in 1988 when we got married, as a gift to us, the in-laws used their timeshare to get us booked into a nice golf resort in Florida, then a Disney visit, then a cruise WITH THEM. Great honeymoon, eh?
After a week at the gold resort, then half a week at Disney we're packing up to drive to Port Canaveral to catch the boat. We're in a hurry, it's 8am.
M: Would anyone want this piece of steak that I have?
Us: no
(note: we hadn't eaten steak for a week, we've been staying at resorts without a fridge, it was wrapped in a paper napkin)
M: I could put it between two slices of bread and you can have a sandwich.
Us: no
M: I could put a little mayonaise on it
(note: we didn't have condiments, so I'm guessing she stashed the mayo in her purse with the steak lump)
Us: NO
M to hubby: are you sure you don't want this steak, I can make it into a sandwich.
Hubby: no
M to J: I can put some mayo on it
J: no
M to me: are you sure you don't want it?
(note: later on we decided we should have just said yes and thrown it out)
Me: I'm sure I don't want the steak.
M: its a perfectly good piece of steak
Me: I'm sure it is, I'm not hungry
She made two more rounds with the steak before she gave up.
Back to present day.
After pronouncing that a steak sandwich would be nice, she then got the brainstorm of freezing the steak and the salmon and taking it on the flight back with them as a snack.
Hubby and I got up from the table, gathered the dishes, went inside and threw up while we laughed.
M says "oh, is that the camera they used for the carnival?" (B's family is carny folk, little hands, smell like cabbage). B says "no, it's just a camera". M says "Oh, didn't they use to take pictures at the carnival?" B says "yes, but not this camera". M says.... you get the picture, it went on for 10 miles.
So, M comes out of the bedroom from her pout because I wouldn't let her carry anything inside, and sees that hubby is prepping dinner and asks if she can help. "no" he says, he's got it all under control. M runs back to the guest room to pout again. Whatever.
Hubby puts on the apron she made him and starts grilling, except now we know why nobody wears aprons when they grill, because they catch on fire. No, he didn't set the apron on fire, I would have gotten reaction photos of that, but meanwhile M is hiding and he's wearing the stupid apron just to appease her. She finally comes out, sees him wearing the apron and gets her camera all proud. She comes back, and as hubby is trying to move food on the grill so it won't burn in a flare up, asks him to pose. He explains (as flames are shooting up) that he's a bit busy now. She pouts.
We have salmon and steak. Very tasty. They only eat a bit. M says brightly "ooh, tomorrow I can make a steak sandwich". Hubby and I nearly choke to death on our food.
THE STORY OF THE STEAK SANDWICH
Back in 1988 when we got married, as a gift to us, the in-laws used their timeshare to get us booked into a nice golf resort in Florida, then a Disney visit, then a cruise WITH THEM. Great honeymoon, eh?
After a week at the gold resort, then half a week at Disney we're packing up to drive to Port Canaveral to catch the boat. We're in a hurry, it's 8am.
M: Would anyone want this piece of steak that I have?
Us: no
(note: we hadn't eaten steak for a week, we've been staying at resorts without a fridge, it was wrapped in a paper napkin)
M: I could put it between two slices of bread and you can have a sandwich.
Us: no
M: I could put a little mayonaise on it
(note: we didn't have condiments, so I'm guessing she stashed the mayo in her purse with the steak lump)
Us: NO
M to hubby: are you sure you don't want this steak, I can make it into a sandwich.
Hubby: no
M to J: I can put some mayo on it
J: no
M to me: are you sure you don't want it?
(note: later on we decided we should have just said yes and thrown it out)
Me: I'm sure I don't want the steak.
M: its a perfectly good piece of steak
Me: I'm sure it is, I'm not hungry
She made two more rounds with the steak before she gave up.
Back to present day.
After pronouncing that a steak sandwich would be nice, she then got the brainstorm of freezing the steak and the salmon and taking it on the flight back with them as a snack.
Hubby and I got up from the table, gathered the dishes, went inside and threw up while we laughed.
Avoidance 9/25/2005
We've been having quite the M pouting scenes today. We went out to stain part of our deck, B walks up and says "where's my brush", so we hand him one, he happily slapped stain on the supports. M, on the other hand, sat at the stairs and pouted because she didn't want to help stain the deck, apparently that's actual work.
Loaded them into the 4-runner, while I took the RAV and dropped some boxes off at storage, where hubby confided that he was very close to strangling her. Apparently on the three mile drive to the storage place, she asked B a 15 minute long question followed by "hello? hello? hello? hello?" when he didn't respond (because we never know when her questions end).
Off to starbucks, then got the trucks washed, then to lunch. Hubby told me that they have requested a 15 minute quiet time to meet with them to discuss something. ugh. I'm sure its about the timeshare that we keep telling them to sell and they won't.
Office Depot for more printer paper, then dropped the 4-runner off for service. Hubby tells them "stay near the trucks, they aren't locked, we'll be right back". He walks with me to get the drop off form, turns around and they're following him. I saw a vein pop out of his head.
They asked 500 questions about Carmax, so we said "how about we just go take a look around". Oh no, that's ok. "no, we'll go in and take a look around". We did, then left. They were very quiet in the RAV.
Got home, they're planted on the couch watching golf, I'm hiding after taking 2 excedrin.
Loaded them into the 4-runner, while I took the RAV and dropped some boxes off at storage, where hubby confided that he was very close to strangling her. Apparently on the three mile drive to the storage place, she asked B a 15 minute long question followed by "hello? hello? hello? hello?" when he didn't respond (because we never know when her questions end).
Off to starbucks, then got the trucks washed, then to lunch. Hubby told me that they have requested a 15 minute quiet time to meet with them to discuss something. ugh. I'm sure its about the timeshare that we keep telling them to sell and they won't.
Office Depot for more printer paper, then dropped the 4-runner off for service. Hubby tells them "stay near the trucks, they aren't locked, we'll be right back". He walks with me to get the drop off form, turns around and they're following him. I saw a vein pop out of his head.
They asked 500 questions about Carmax, so we said "how about we just go take a look around". Oh no, that's ok. "no, we'll go in and take a look around". We did, then left. They were very quiet in the RAV.
Got home, they're planted on the couch watching golf, I'm hiding after taking 2 excedrin.
Hiding again 9/26/2005
We spent most of last night hiding in the computer nook. Hubby felt that if we were going to spend all this time at home, it was the optimum time to get the new server up and running, so in the nook we sat. I didn't really do anything to help him, but there was no way I was going to sit downstairs and watch golf all afternoon with them.
The "talk" isn't a 15 minute talk as I heard (in my head, wishful thinking), but more of an hour to an hour and a half "chat" with them about something "important". We figure two things: timeshare (which we've told them to sell now for 5 years), or death plans (we have their wills, living wills, but I don't think they've filed them with any lawyer or hospital).
It's 9am, nobody is up (at least they aren't out of the guestroom). Its quiet, peaceful. I know it won't last.
Last night, for the 15th time, M asked whether I was going to work today. Um, no. I have a pact with hubby that we stick together to maintain our sanity. I could fire up my work lap top, but after checking e-mail, there wasn't anything important, unless you consider a "jean day" announcement important.
We're going to go out and do some more staining of the deck to be productive. Updates later.
The "talk" isn't a 15 minute talk as I heard (in my head, wishful thinking), but more of an hour to an hour and a half "chat" with them about something "important". We figure two things: timeshare (which we've told them to sell now for 5 years), or death plans (we have their wills, living wills, but I don't think they've filed them with any lawyer or hospital).
It's 9am, nobody is up (at least they aren't out of the guestroom). Its quiet, peaceful. I know it won't last.
Last night, for the 15th time, M asked whether I was going to work today. Um, no. I have a pact with hubby that we stick together to maintain our sanity. I could fire up my work lap top, but after checking e-mail, there wasn't anything important, unless you consider a "jean day" announcement important.
We're going to go out and do some more staining of the deck to be productive. Updates later.
Woe is us 9/26/2005
Since the time to leave is fast approaching (for some, not fast enough), today has been "woe is us" day.
The "talk" actually took over 2 hours and consisted of a list of items that they wanted to go to specific people, and a verbal account of every item in their house... just in case we wanted the stuff. They handed us a listing of all their assets, bonds, stocks, yadda yadda yadda, including some china that is from China but nobody has ever imported from China, but they have the china from China... except they didn't put down the number of the china from China, so who knows if its worth anything, but they seem to think it is.
We got a lot of "we're only here every 4 years so let us buy you a subway sandwich, its the least we can do". Yesterday they sprung for our car washes, today it was lattes and sandwiches, I should have dragged them into the shoe store for the boots I wanted.
I sat down and had a talk with B without M and layed it on the line about the crap they send us. He admitted it was all M's doing, which we figured, and I told him point blank that he might as well save on postage because I just toss it out. Don't know if that will stop the barrage of crap, but I can only try.
So, on the way to picking up the 4-runner, the back RAV seat was a bit loose. When we stopped at the dealership, I told them, "why don't you all go in and I'll fix the seat". They stood there, then leaned into the RAV while I was trying to get the seat locked in. "Why don't you try this, how about moving it here". Um, why don't you go in and pay the bill with Gil while I fix the seat. B gets into the back and is in the way. "I think it needs to go here". WHY DON'T YOU GET OUT OF MY WAY SO I CAN FIX THE SEAT! They stood there, stunned. Finally mosied into the car shop, took me three seconds without them yammering at me to fix the stupid seat.
Hubby has told M about 15 times to stop interupting him. First time was in the morning when she asked if we were going anywhere, he opened his mouth and she started talking again. She stopped, he opened his mouth to answer her other 14 questions, she started yammering again. She' been in full tilt pouting mode ever since.
During the "woe is us we're dying and this is the list of our valuables 2 hour talk", she sniped and harped at B about not updating the list, not putting the stuff she mentioned on the list, not taking care of the kid's inheritence items throughout the years, arguing with him about where a cane pole was in the garage. I wanted to strangle her.
So this morning, B brings out two humungous manilla envelopes just heaped with geneology things. He announces that they're items they're giving to another relative, but if hubby would like to scan them, he has until they leave. OOOH no, don't bring those out the day you get here and give him time, wait til the last minute why don't you. Then they complain because they aren't interested in the family heritage and don't want to learn the history behind stuff. AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH.
On the way home we got stuck in traffic because of an accident. Luckily I was alone in the RAV (my biggest fear is M saying "oh, why don't we girls drive together so we can gossip), but I could see hubby ahead hanging his head while M prattles on with expansive arm movements. Lord knows what she was going on about. Hubby blocks it out, so he doesn't even know.
We're home now. After getting the "I don't think I've ever mentioned how much we appreciate you taking care of hubby" speech at a starbucks, and the "we'd like to visit more often" speech, and the "we have some money saved up for a gift for the deck but you bought everything, we'd still like to get you something but aren't going to tell you how much we've saved up so it could be as little as 10 cents or a few grand" speech... I'm hiding in the kitchen for now. I think M went off to pout about something (who cares), and B and hubby are in the nook scanning off the 5,000 pieces of paper he brought.
We have one more day, then a morning. Tommorrow starts the for real "we're going to die and never see you again" stuff, for which I've been saving some muscle relaxers for. Then there will be the tearful goodbyes at the airport. I'll get a for real hug from B, and a cold, limp hug from M (who will be pouting about something), and then the house will be ours again. Of course, I'm not counting out any last minute catastrophes that will keep them here longer, for which I'm saving more muscle relaxers, just in case.
The "talk" actually took over 2 hours and consisted of a list of items that they wanted to go to specific people, and a verbal account of every item in their house... just in case we wanted the stuff. They handed us a listing of all their assets, bonds, stocks, yadda yadda yadda, including some china that is from China but nobody has ever imported from China, but they have the china from China... except they didn't put down the number of the china from China, so who knows if its worth anything, but they seem to think it is.
We got a lot of "we're only here every 4 years so let us buy you a subway sandwich, its the least we can do". Yesterday they sprung for our car washes, today it was lattes and sandwiches, I should have dragged them into the shoe store for the boots I wanted.
I sat down and had a talk with B without M and layed it on the line about the crap they send us. He admitted it was all M's doing, which we figured, and I told him point blank that he might as well save on postage because I just toss it out. Don't know if that will stop the barrage of crap, but I can only try.
So, on the way to picking up the 4-runner, the back RAV seat was a bit loose. When we stopped at the dealership, I told them, "why don't you all go in and I'll fix the seat". They stood there, then leaned into the RAV while I was trying to get the seat locked in. "Why don't you try this, how about moving it here". Um, why don't you go in and pay the bill with Gil while I fix the seat. B gets into the back and is in the way. "I think it needs to go here". WHY DON'T YOU GET OUT OF MY WAY SO I CAN FIX THE SEAT! They stood there, stunned. Finally mosied into the car shop, took me three seconds without them yammering at me to fix the stupid seat.
Hubby has told M about 15 times to stop interupting him. First time was in the morning when she asked if we were going anywhere, he opened his mouth and she started talking again. She stopped, he opened his mouth to answer her other 14 questions, she started yammering again. She' been in full tilt pouting mode ever since.
During the "woe is us we're dying and this is the list of our valuables 2 hour talk", she sniped and harped at B about not updating the list, not putting the stuff she mentioned on the list, not taking care of the kid's inheritence items throughout the years, arguing with him about where a cane pole was in the garage. I wanted to strangle her.
So this morning, B brings out two humungous manilla envelopes just heaped with geneology things. He announces that they're items they're giving to another relative, but if hubby would like to scan them, he has until they leave. OOOH no, don't bring those out the day you get here and give him time, wait til the last minute why don't you. Then they complain because they aren't interested in the family heritage and don't want to learn the history behind stuff. AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH.
On the way home we got stuck in traffic because of an accident. Luckily I was alone in the RAV (my biggest fear is M saying "oh, why don't we girls drive together so we can gossip), but I could see hubby ahead hanging his head while M prattles on with expansive arm movements. Lord knows what she was going on about. Hubby blocks it out, so he doesn't even know.
We're home now. After getting the "I don't think I've ever mentioned how much we appreciate you taking care of hubby" speech at a starbucks, and the "we'd like to visit more often" speech, and the "we have some money saved up for a gift for the deck but you bought everything, we'd still like to get you something but aren't going to tell you how much we've saved up so it could be as little as 10 cents or a few grand" speech... I'm hiding in the kitchen for now. I think M went off to pout about something (who cares), and B and hubby are in the nook scanning off the 5,000 pieces of paper he brought.
We have one more day, then a morning. Tommorrow starts the for real "we're going to die and never see you again" stuff, for which I've been saving some muscle relaxers for. Then there will be the tearful goodbyes at the airport. I'll get a for real hug from B, and a cold, limp hug from M (who will be pouting about something), and then the house will be ours again. Of course, I'm not counting out any last minute catastrophes that will keep them here longer, for which I'm saving more muscle relaxers, just in case.
Final full day 9/27/2005
Fridge count:
open, half empy pepsi
A baggie that contains pudding cups (that's new), cheese and crackers, and a big lump of leftover salmon (all in one baggie, together... eeeuw)
Woke up at 8am, M was up. She was looking at the deck and asked if we painted it last night. Um, no, it rained.
She's currently downstairs, sitting on the couch with her arms crossed, watching tv.
Last night as we were all talking, she started to laugh and said she wanted to tell a joke, so we listened. Here is the joke (shortened quite a bit because she made it last approximately 15 minutes):
A farmer hired some guy to do work on the farm. First he had the guy clean the chicken coops, and he did a good job.
He then had the guy clean the barn, which he did a good job.
Then he had the guy sort potoatoes, and later found the guy sitting there angry.
Asked what the problem was, the guy said "I can't handle this job, there are too many decisions to make".
She laughed, we stared at her.
Every time we'd start to talk about something, she would criticize B about something, to the point where I literally wanted to boot her out of the house. The poor guy. No wonder he talks about dying all the time, he probably looks forward to it.
Today we're hitting a kinkos to copy the 6,000 pieces of paper they brought out at the last minute, and also plan on running all over, just so they're in the truck and can't really discuss things (like dying, heirlooms, etc.)
open, half empy pepsi
A baggie that contains pudding cups (that's new), cheese and crackers, and a big lump of leftover salmon (all in one baggie, together... eeeuw)
Woke up at 8am, M was up. She was looking at the deck and asked if we painted it last night. Um, no, it rained.
She's currently downstairs, sitting on the couch with her arms crossed, watching tv.
Last night as we were all talking, she started to laugh and said she wanted to tell a joke, so we listened. Here is the joke (shortened quite a bit because she made it last approximately 15 minutes):
A farmer hired some guy to do work on the farm. First he had the guy clean the chicken coops, and he did a good job.
He then had the guy clean the barn, which he did a good job.
Then he had the guy sort potoatoes, and later found the guy sitting there angry.
Asked what the problem was, the guy said "I can't handle this job, there are too many decisions to make".
She laughed, we stared at her.
Every time we'd start to talk about something, she would criticize B about something, to the point where I literally wanted to boot her out of the house. The poor guy. No wonder he talks about dying all the time, he probably looks forward to it.
Today we're hitting a kinkos to copy the 6,000 pieces of paper they brought out at the last minute, and also plan on running all over, just so they're in the truck and can't really discuss things (like dying, heirlooms, etc.)
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