The reason I haven't updated this blog in quite some time is because I figured out that if I send my husband out to the West Coast once a year, that means he can visit with his brother and parents and I don't have to deal with anything.
It was a brilliant plan. I sit around all week and not cook, enjoying some "me" time alone while hubby gets to pal around with his brother, then they call the parents and they drive over to visit with their sons.
Of course, upon arriving home, I get to hear all of the infuriating details of the visit, which is reminiscent of actual visits here (would you like some of my creme brûlée? Just a little bit of creme brûlée? Why don't you want any of my creme brûlée? I could put it between two slices of bread, make a sandwich out of it).
Per our usual routine, we head to Denny's (because Maryland is devoid of any decent non-franchised places to eat) so he can detox and tell me all of the details of the trip.
Shortly after telling me all about the wonderful place they got liquored up coffee made by a guy that set things on fire and juggled the flaming coffee cups, he added "Oh, and they'll be coming for a visit next month"
Me, with a slice of bacon hanging out of my mouth "wha?"
"Just for the weekend" hubby says as he oozes under the table.
Me, as bacon falls out of my mouth "excuse me?"
I knew he waited until now to tell me because he felt that since we were in a public place, I wouldn't go full bat shit crazy... he was wrong.
"SERIOUSLY????"
"They said they miss you."
"ME? SERIOUSLY?"
"It's just for a weekend"
Oh right, just for the weekend. Last "just for a weekend" visit started on a Thursday and ended on a Wednesday, that's not a "weekend" that's a freakin WEEK!
He could tell I was scheming, probably because my eyes were spinning "No, you aren't going to suddenly have a business trip come up."
"Don't be ridiculous, of course I wouldn't do that... because you haven't told me when they'll be here, so how on earth can I plan anything suddenly when I don't know what date to suddenly have something come up?"
He made the international hand signal to keep your voice down before Denny's management calls the cops. "They're coming this way to do something else, so they're just stopping in"
Yeah, I've heard THAT one before too. "When will they be here?"
"I don't know, they gave me some dates, but you know how I am about remembering things, so I told them to e-mail me".
Oh, you sneaky, sneaky husband... plausible deniability! That means he won't be able to tell me because he doesn't know, and then at the last minute will pronounce "oh, the parents will be here this weekend" crap and then there's no way I can make my escape.
So, I'm sure that all of your dear readers are rejoicing that there will be new installments of Heirloom Horrors on the way. You suck, seriously.
